Takeley C.C. 2008 Squad:

 

Adrian Phillips - RHB / OFF-S  Mr Cricket.  Plays cricket 365 days a year & came close to winning the averages last year having hit a 50 in a hastily arranged friendly against Mum & Dad in the back garden.  Improving right hand bat, having started his career as a bowler of what we believe was off spin.  Adie is yet to bowl anything other than a full bunger though, so is rarely used.

Tim Connolly - RHB / MED Legendary skipper who leads from the front.  Reliable & high scoring batsman, less than agile fielder, shocking bowler who picks up at least 2 wickets an innings.  Never known to dismiss a batsman higher than 9 on the card though.  Favourite food – Rabbit.

Mike Sammons RHB / WK/ MED Veteran wicket keeper batsman, who opens the batting with style & panache.  Has a weakness for buying bats he then decides are too heavy, before reverting to his trusty Gray Nicholls David Gower Special.  Keeps wicket wearing more padding than a hockey keeper.  Hast a vast array of shots & has never been out square cutting.

Darren Amott RHB / MED  Right arm bowler who hits the bat deceptively hard.  Cut his run up from 3 to 2 paces upon Damon’s arrival at the club.  Vastly underrated batsman who won us 2 games in 2006.  His leg glance for 4 at Farnham was text book, & his dominance of the now legendary 100 partnership with Gunner belied his batting position.  Probably the least supple man in Essex & needs 3 weeks notice to warm up.

Dave Ellis RHB / OFF-S Owner of the revered Magnum.  Dave can hit a ball a mile.  Or miss it by two.  Slow bowler who bowls a mixture of offies & doosras.  Best bowler by a distance over the last couple of years, having given up bowling seam up cos all that running up to bowl was just too strenuous.  Has a new mystery ball this season, but is yet to get it out for all to see.  Owner of the hilarious “anyone seen my shower gel?” gag.

James Amott - RHB/ MED Specialist fielder who can also wield a bat if & when required.  Looks pure village when turning up already wearing his cricket shirt.  Awarded sweatiest man in the club in 2003 his Davies Cup heroics.  Unofficially Takeley CC’s talent scout having claimed to have secured the signing of Buckets, Trigger, Big Dunc & Milo. A future Sunday skipper & self appointed fine-master who did well in 2006 to gather over £300 of fines.  Only to lose the fine tin.  Muppet.

Duncan Easley - RHB / MED Former Cottered legend now in his 3rd season with Takeley.  Match-winning batsman who has cost the club a fortune in lost balls & broken windows in the gardens surrounding the ground.  Bowls useful medium pace but needs to play more Sundays to prove his abilities with the ball.

Trevor Gunn - RHB/ FAST Opening bowler & destructive tail-end batsman.  Lives for Takeley sport, still turning out for the football side at the age of 48 & bowling his increasingly slower medium pace filth from the Aklowa end.  Has an amazing slower ball, guaranteed to bamboozle anyone other than the finest of batsmen.  Can turn a match on its head with his hefty willow, & would have been disappointed to miss out on the man of the match despite being the main contributor to the 10th wicket stand of 102 against Willingale in 2006.  Dazza’s 2 not out just pipping him to the award.

Tom Coleman - RHB/ FAST Fastest bowler at the club at a ferocious 55 mph.  Gradually getting his form back after a year down under egg chasing & doing bizarre things with pound coins.  Likes to take on the quickies when batting & is lightning quick between the wickets.  Passionate but deluded Spurs fan.  Bit of a loose cannon as it happens.

Paul Gillard - RHB/ MED Useful acquisition from league rivals Hockerill, & biggest contributor to the fine tin.  Rarely arrives before the start of play, & dress sense best described as poor.  Finds it hard to get the ball off the square when batting & despite taking a wicket in his first over of competitive cricket for the club, hasn’t been used since.  It was a 15 ball over though.  Excellent fielder & good value to rip it out of every week.

Damon Miles - RHB/ MED Mr Happy who joined the club in 2006 to maintain the clubs tradition of bowlers with a 3 pace run up.  Disgraced himself at the dinner & dance but made up for it with a generous contribution to the chairman’s moving fund.  Fine bowler & claims to be a waste of batting talent at number 10.  Yet to get double figures for the club.  Very superstitious & won’t take the field without his Cottered hat, sweater & replica shirt.

Mike Ellis RHB / WK Enigmatic batsman, probably the most laid back bloke in the world.  Capable of match winning innings’ when called upon & has a great arm in the field.  Has to do deep cover to deep cover as a result.  Had a year off his beloved cricket to recover from a nasty neck injury but returned in July ’05.  His injury problems didn’t affect his sense of smell though, can smell a cup final a mile off.

James Manning - RHB / FAST Only started playing cricket after a boozy night out with wing man Adie at Chelmsford Poly Student Bar when persuaded it was a good way to meet chicks.  A quicker than he looks bowler & hard hitting batsman, has taken over the leadership of the Sunday side without Adie realising, initially making astute adjustments to the field behind his back before launching a hostile takeover bid backed by the Brearley-esque brain of Fitten.  Has a very irregular taste in women & was instrumental in organising the 2008 tour to Eastbourne in order to fill his boots at the seaside town’s famous crochet & bingo nights.  Super keen & can always be relied on for an inappropriate comment, & for a late call up.

James Fitten – RHB / OFF-PIES  Talented spinner & right hand batsman, who has every shot in the book.  Bowls with a classical spinner’s action, & would surely by now have broken into the league side had it not been for his Saturday job running a burger van on the B183 between Sheering & Hatfield Heath.  Stole the show at the end of season awards dinner in 2004 when winning his trophy for being a happy boy.  Not a dry eye in the house that night.  Recently found love, so even Sunday availability may now take a hit unless Adie can find a slot for Bambi as well.

Roy Smith – Scorer  Legend.  End of.  Nicest bloke you’ll find around & always willing to lend advice but only when asked for.  Used to be a run machine before turning to bowling grenades in order to dismiss wide eyed 12 year olds on a Sunday afternoon.  Retired from the game purely because he was scoring too many runs & taking too many wickets.  Now does a sterling job as club scorer & has the near impossible task of chasing up subs from the players.

Del Boy – LHB / UMP   Ever loyal umpire who stands at the Aklowa end every week in all climates.  Apparently used to play a bit, no eye witness reports though, so unconfirmed.  Keeps a chart on his wall to keep track of the amount of times he dismisses unfortunate Takeley batsmen, needs a new row for Jimmy Amott after notching double figures for 2007.

Chris Thake - RHB / MED Selected as new skipper for 2008 league season after winning a game as stand in for Conno in 2007.Very reliable opening bat and leading batsman for Takeley after being asked to leave B Stortford 4th XI. Also known to bowl medium things a bit if necessary. Excellent fielder belittling his age.Writes romantic novels and short stories under pseudonym of " Pail " .  Confused , life long singular West Ham Supporter in club .Recently became father for second and last time. Works part time at a local office restarting computers.